You know what I'm OVER?

Super-mini length clothes.  I saw this on pinterest, and I thought to myself, "it's not a 'tall girl' problem, it's a nation-wide epidemic.  AND you have it backwards, it's should say your DRESS is supposed to be a SHIRT."  Or, when appropriate, "your skirt is a belt."
If you don't want to put up with my rant, you may want to stop reading now.  I may get a little snarky.  I can pretty much guarantee it, actually.  

Granted, I don't really participate in a lot of trends because 1} I'm waaayy tooooo old 2} just plain modesty 3} I'm built like a viking {I am actually a real viking, so I guess it should be expected}...  I don't believe in wearing trends that simply won't look good on me.  I'd rather wear classics that flatter my {admittedly fluffy, especially right now} figure.

But.  I don't love this trend on really anyone.  I don't care that you're skinny.  Or that your legs are like a mile long and tan.  Or that you're like 25.  {Although, good for you on all three.} 

I DO care, however, that chairs all around the world are a lot less sanitary because when you sit on them, they are now in direct contact with your butt-cheeks.  Because, now, you're affecting me.  And my gross-out limit.  And my health.

I do also care that I could possibly {and really, let's be honest, quite likely} end up seeing your panties {please be wearing big granny panties and not some sort of small thing} just in passing if there is even a hint of a breeze.  That's NOT AWESOME.  {Or, to use a Seinfeld reference: "that's not going to be good for business," and the response, "that's not going to be good for ANYONE."}
via {Now, this is just a shirt, right?  I'm not crazy, am I?  I actually think this look could be super cute, just add some PANTS.  Leggings or skinny jeans with tall boots or oxfords.  Done and done.}
via {AKA "your skirt is a belt."  The thing is, I really like this.  Just add a few more inches.  Even 2-3 would make a huge difference.  I would want one twice as long, but I know that's longer than most girls would want.  And, please note that the model has this hip-slung, so this could be a LOT shorter when worn by someone else.}
Although mini skirts and dresses are just everywhere, I don't care.  I'm taking a stand.  Hopefully tights, or, even better, leggings, will at least be paired with them in the winter.  I wouldn't want everyones' bottoms getting cold.  And, I swear that lots of these "dresses" ARE actually shirts.  They just are. 

And, here's the problem:

YOU {person on pinterest} might be a model but what YOU aren't thinking through is that now, normal people will see this, think they should try the trend, and then what we have is a society on the verge of collapse.  {I would kill to have that gal's figure, BTW.}

I would, personally, like to get some "mini-dresses" to wear with my leggings and skinnies for the fall/winter.  I can't ever find shirts that are long enough.  I like my rear to be cov-ered.

Also, along the same lines, I'm REALLY sick of the denim panties {also apparently called "shorts"}.  All over pinterest all summer and continuing into the fall dammit, it's these terrible, high waisted denim shorts that are stonewashed and french-cut {made out of MOM JEANS}, often with pockets hanging out in front.  

Go on pinterest and search "cut-off jean shorts," but prepare yourself for some really terrible looks.  Some jerks are actually selling jeans from the 80s and 90s that have been "upcycled" on etsy.  This word bugs me, too, but that's another post for another day {spoiler alert: it's not a REAL WORD.  And all it really means is "recycled," so what the dealy-o?} 
via {These jean shorts are smaller than many of those cute retro-inspired swim bottoms.}
via {Speaking of cute retro-inspired suits, how fab is this CC?}
via {Another cute suit.  I'm getting totally side-tracked, but it's good, because I didn't want this whole post to be negative!} 
Am I just getting old?  Or even more prude?  I love fashion, but as far as that goes, I don't think the jorts really qualify as "fashion".  I don't see Michael Kors or Tom Ford cranking these puppies out any time soon.  I do, however, see Lindsey Lohan {adorable in "The Parent Trap" and "Mean Girls," and yet, now ever-so-slightly tarnished} just wearing them all the time {probably even sleeping in them} and never, ever doing a wash. 

I don't care how fine you are or how fine you think you are, they are just plain bad.  And they do weird things to your crotch {a term I picked up from gofugyourself years ago and still use, and laugh at, is "polterwang."}  If your inseam is 1" {or less, once it goes negative, I'm just going to submit to you that you might be toeing the line of becoming a hillbilly.  What is that old line? "You might be a red-neck, if?"} you may want to re-think it.  Just my opinion.  Maybe you love denim panties and I'm the one who is wrong.  Also, maybe the sky is green and the grass is blue.  Anything's possible.

I'm sorry, but these offend me.  Unless you're Kelly Kapowski.   {Yo, Tiffani Amber!  I'm not giving you leave to wear these now!  That was a reference to your Bayside days, and you, like me, are waaayy tooooo old now, too, although you seem to be in great shape for your age.  But, I guess that's beside the point.  The point is, even if you are in great shape, your should still avoid these.}
via {This T-A would really wear the heck outta the denim panty fad}

via {See, so pretty minus the early nineties.}
And, oh, holy crap:

{Also, the two denim panties on the gals above are actually quite on the long side.}  Both of the girls are clearly super-fit.  But, they look the opposite of hot.  I can't imagine having an amazing figure like that and then being like, "hmmm... let me find a way to look really, totally undesirable."  It just doesn't add up! 

LUCKILY, I haven't seen much of these in real-life, girl-on-the-street type settings.  Thank goodness.  Hopefully, normal gals aren't susceptible to the brainwashing on pinterest about these jorts.  Hopefully, like me, you are all saying "oh, holy crap!" too.  And, I have to believe that you are.
via {I cut these girl's faces out.  They look really proud of themselves.  They SHOULDN'T.  Unless it's a Halloween thing.  I know later in life, they will be so embarrassed, so I wanted to do them a solid.  To be so young and pretty and to purposefully look like this?  It's wiggity-wiggity-wack.}
What fashion trends really tick you off?  {Or, am I the only grouchy fashionista out there?}  ;)


eliz at: November 4, 2012 at 9:03 PM said...

Hahahah great post and I agree. Being super petite (just under 5 feet)..I take advantage of the super mini dresses...because on me they fit normal sized! Forever21 dresses are always soooo short...which is fine by me because that way I can buy them instead of going to the petite section..

Helene at: November 4, 2012 at 9:32 PM said...

YES! agree so much. stop skanking it up!

Kerry at: November 5, 2012 at 1:17 PM said...


Love me some vintage Kelly Kapowski.


Maigen at: November 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM said...

eliz- Yes! Girl, you found the silver lining! :)

Helene- Hahaha!

K- Yes, the good old KK. I loved SBTB when I was young!


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